Struggling

So I know I generally use this blog to post about all of the wonderful things that go on in the Anderson family, but however tonight I am feeling like I need to let some things go.  I am really struggling and why it has hit me right now I have no idea.  I did so well the first month of getting my shot but this month has been a lot harder.  The first month I didn't really cry at all it was almost like I couldn't cry which was nice for a while because I was so emotional for a long time.  I had no idea how out of whack I really was until I really saw the situation for what it was and decided that denial was not going to get me any where but keeping me from having another baby even longer. Once I had the surgery and started the shots, I was OK with knowing it was going to be an even longer while before we could have another baby.  I only had hot flashes and night sweats for about the first two weeks.  But now I am getting no relief, I am back to crying again and I am frustrated.  I hate hate hate feeling like this.  I am so glad that as of this week I will be half way done with my shots and that means we are getting closer to being able to try again.  Right now I am constantly hot, I don't sleep, I seem to be having brain fog a lot more, and  have a hard time concentrating.  I know I have put on a little weight due to the shot and I can feel it!  But this is my fault for not exercising.  Although I know my family and friends are here for me and do whatever they can to help me its just sometime I feel so alone.  But sometimes that is my own fault because sometimes I want to shut myself out and be alone.  This is such a weird situation to feel blessed, sad, happy, alone, loved and many other things all at once.  I know God has a plan and I am so thankful to have my baby boy.  He is the love of my life and I always have the title of Mommy to hold in my heart and for that I am blessed.  I love my Lord and Savior and I am not angry or mad at God at all.  Right now I am just struggling.  Its hard to put into words how I feel.  Hopefully putting this out there will help me!  Thanks to all of you who are there for me, I am so grateful to you all!

San Antonio

Here are just a few pics from our vacation.  We had a wonderful time.  We were so glad that Kimberlee, Brad and Brady got to join us for the majority of our vacation.  I am sad to say that I don't have a lot of other pictures because of my lost/stolen camera =(.  Sea World was the best experience.  I think I had more fun than Aiden did.  Seeing Shamoo was unbelievable!  We got to sit in the splash zone and got splashed down by Shamoo's tail!  Aiden thought it was absolutely funny when Todd got soaked!  He enjoyed the dolphins and the sea lions!  We went to a drive through Safari one day and Aiden loved the ostrich the most.  He got scared when the ostrich tried to get in the car with us and he said he didn't want it to come home with us.  Aiden didn't enjoy the Rangers game at all.  He was so bored!  Schlitterbahn was probably the day he absolutely loved the most!  We had a great vacation and really enjoyed getting away and getting to spend some time with family!  We hope to go back really soon!

The boys hugging goodbye!  Aiden was so sad when he woke up the next morning and realized Brady had really gone home and not just to his hotel room.  He kept asking for Brady to come back!

This is Aidens best attempt as we were eating ice cream in Austin in the midst of plenty of Texas fans to do the upside down horn sign as he was saying "Boomer Sooner!"  I absolutely love this picture
This is how Aiden slept the entire vacation.  This was our best idea ever!  We took an air up mattress so he could have his own bed and Todd and I didn't have to give up our comfort of a king bed!  I highly recommend this sleeping arrangement!  
My sweet baby was such an awesome trooper on the way home!  He didn't have any accidents on the way home all the way from Austin.  We made sure to make plenty of stops and one of those stops included a long few hours for me to do some outlet shopping.  Todd had to let him ride every mechanical ride throughout the outlet to keep him happy!  He was absolutely wonderful on our vacation!  

Schlitterbahn Vacation Day

This was a great day for us on vacation.  Although it was a little sad for me to not feel like it was my birthday and still haven't really celebrated my birthday with much of anyone, it was a great day to see my little love so happy!  He absolutely loved this place.  Every time we would move on to another kiddie zone his face would light up like it was the first time he was getting to play in the water.  This place has 7 yes 7 kiddie areas.  Not to mention he could practically ride any ride because they had little tubes that had netting on the bottom so he couldn't fall out and a handle on the side so we could hold onto him as we were going down the rides as well!  He thought he was hot stuff at this park!  Near the end of the day we found the best kid zone of all.  It was a huge pirate ship with these great slides on them.  These slides weren't the little baby slides he had been doing all day.  These were big kid slides.  He couldn't wait to do them and I was a little hesitant to let him go but I managed to put my big girl panties on and let my baby go!  He didn't want us to go down with him, he wanted to do it all by himself!  I almost cried when he did it.  I don't think I could even count how many times we went down these slides.  He just kept saying again again again.  So we did!  I cant wait to go back again.  This place is absolutely amazing!!!!

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary to my wonderful hubby of 7 years!!!!  I cant imagine what my life would be like without him.  He loves me whole heartedly, takes care of me and always tries to give me my hearts desires.  I sometimes take him for granted and forget how good I have it.  He is a push over when it comes to me most of the time and I tend to get what I want and I have to say I am the same way for him!  We cant believe it has already been seven years.  Life has completely changed over the last seven years but we love where life has taken us.  Marriage is definitely work but this is one job I will never leave!  The more our story unfolds, the happier I am that we chose each other to live, love and laugh with!  The more our story unfolds, the more I fall in love with him!  Happy Anniversary baby!

A special third birthday for a special boy

Eli turned three a few weeks ago and Aiden thoroughly enjoyed the party at putt n jump.  All of Aiden's best buddies were there and they always have a great time with each other.  They do seem to become more curious when they are with each other and braver to explore their curiosity together.  Thanks Eli for inviting us to such a fun party!

New Camera

I know I haven't blogged much lately and without a camera posts tend to be nothing but stories and most people just like to see the pics any way.  So thankfully my husband was kind enough to let me buy my third yes third camera in 5 months.  I know people letting me use your camera is a scary thing but I did manage to have a really good run with one for almost three years.  My husband is hoping that my camera disasters that come in threes are over and he hopes the same thing for my mess ups with my car as well.  So now back to blogging and hopefully can catch you all up on all our summer fun!

The birthday video

It wouldnt post last night so here it is!

 Birthday Pics and video!  I know most you know that Aiden's third birthday party was a success but I thought I would post a few of the pics I have.  I dont have all too many pics of him riding any of the rides because Shaun had his camera and took bunches of pics of them riding all the rides so when I get some of those I will post more.  Thank you to everyone who came and made his third birthday so memorable!  Thank you to my Aunt who made his adorable "cars" cake! This was probably the birthday party I have enjoyed the most.  I loved watching how much fun Aiden had!  He was constantly smiling and laughing and birthday parties dont get much better than that!  I cant believe he is three!  He seems so big to me now.  I absolutely love and adore my "baby" boy!

My birthday boys

There is a reason these two birthday's being so close togeher is so fitting.  They are best buddies.  Although Aiden might name some of his other friends before naming his daddy as his best friend, he hates to go any where without his daddy.  Having both of their birthdays at the same time always makes for a crazy couple of days but they are always fun filled days. 

 Last night we went down to OKC to go eat at bricktown and take the river walk ride.  Aiden thought it was great fun.  Of course we ate at Chellinos but this time we got to eat on the patio and it was a beautiful night to sit out on the river walk and enjoy some yummy mexican food.  We got home rather late and were so tired.  Aiden was so excited when he woke up this morning because to him "his birthday was coming!"  He got me up and said "Mommy I not tired anymore because my birthday is coming"  to which I replied "Oh Baby your birthday is here!"  Excitedly he ran out of my room and went looking throughout the house.  He came back a little sad and expressed "my birthday is not here, I cant find it"  That is when I had to explain that his birthday was not something he could hold or see it was a day.  We took Aiden out for donuts this morning and sang at the donut shop to him!  We will be headed to the kiddie park to celebrate with all our family and friends in just a few hours!  We are so excited to see how much fun he has!

Here is my birthday wish to my wonderful husband.  I love you so much Todd and at times forget how blessed I am to have the greatest husband in the world.  You are such a Godly man and an amazing father to our beautiful son.  Every time I see you with him, I smile and thank God for how blessed I am.  I pray that this year will be filled with love, respect, fulfillment, and blessings.  I pray that I will be a better wife to you to show you how blessed I truly am to have you as my husband.  May you always have laughter, hope, and all your dreams come true.  May your headaches go away for good, may your son always know how much you love him, may our parents love the wonderful man you are, may you win a state championship, may the freshman not stress you out, and may you get to play many rounds of golf this year!!!! (yes that is me giving my blessing to play as much as you want!)  I love you with all my heart!

Now my birthday wish to my love, my Aiden.  To my baby boy may this year bring you many blessings.  May you know how much your mommy and daddy love you and what a blessing you are to us.  There isnt a day that goes bye that mommy and daddy dont thank God for blessing us with you!  May you have many fun times with all your friends.  May you get to run on the golf course, may you ride your four wheeler as much as you want, May you laugh everyday and continue in your child like innocence.  May you know how much you mean to all your family and friends.  May you know what a special boy you are to me and how I love to watch you learn and grow.  I pray that this year I will be an even better mommy to you.  I am amazed at everything you can do now.  I know you will only continue to impress me with all that you can do and will learn to do over the next year.  I will always cherish the memories of you as a child and you give me plenty everyday to be so proud of the rest of my life!  I love you baby boy!

Reunion part 2

Here are just a few pics from the final night of my 10 year reunion....man do I feel old!