Struggling

So I know I generally use this blog to post about all of the wonderful things that go on in the Anderson family, but however tonight I am feeling like I need to let some things go.  I am really struggling and why it has hit me right now I have no idea.  I did so well the first month of getting my shot but this month has been a lot harder.  The first month I didn't really cry at all it was almost like I couldn't cry which was nice for a while because I was so emotional for a long time.  I had no idea how out of whack I really was until I really saw the situation for what it was and decided that denial was not going to get me any where but keeping me from having another baby even longer. Once I had the surgery and started the shots, I was OK with knowing it was going to be an even longer while before we could have another baby.  I only had hot flashes and night sweats for about the first two weeks.  But now I am getting no relief, I am back to crying again and I am frustrated.  I hate hate hate feeling like this.  I am so glad that as of this week I will be half way done with my shots and that means we are getting closer to being able to try again.  Right now I am constantly hot, I don't sleep, I seem to be having brain fog a lot more, and  have a hard time concentrating.  I know I have put on a little weight due to the shot and I can feel it!  But this is my fault for not exercising.  Although I know my family and friends are here for me and do whatever they can to help me its just sometime I feel so alone.  But sometimes that is my own fault because sometimes I want to shut myself out and be alone.  This is such a weird situation to feel blessed, sad, happy, alone, loved and many other things all at once.  I know God has a plan and I am so thankful to have my baby boy.  He is the love of my life and I always have the title of Mommy to hold in my heart and for that I am blessed.  I love my Lord and Savior and I am not angry or mad at God at all.  Right now I am just struggling.  Its hard to put into words how I feel.  Hopefully putting this out there will help me!  Thanks to all of you who are there for me, I am so grateful to you all!

San Antonio

Here are just a few pics from our vacation.  We had a wonderful time.  We were so glad that Kimberlee, Brad and Brady got to join us for the majority of our vacation.  I am sad to say that I don't have a lot of other pictures because of my lost/stolen camera =(.  Sea World was the best experience.  I think I had more fun than Aiden did.  Seeing Shamoo was unbelievable!  We got to sit in the splash zone and got splashed down by Shamoo's tail!  Aiden thought it was absolutely funny when Todd got soaked!  He enjoyed the dolphins and the sea lions!  We went to a drive through Safari one day and Aiden loved the ostrich the most.  He got scared when the ostrich tried to get in the car with us and he said he didn't want it to come home with us.  Aiden didn't enjoy the Rangers game at all.  He was so bored!  Schlitterbahn was probably the day he absolutely loved the most!  We had a great vacation and really enjoyed getting away and getting to spend some time with family!  We hope to go back really soon!

The boys hugging goodbye!  Aiden was so sad when he woke up the next morning and realized Brady had really gone home and not just to his hotel room.  He kept asking for Brady to come back!

This is Aidens best attempt as we were eating ice cream in Austin in the midst of plenty of Texas fans to do the upside down horn sign as he was saying "Boomer Sooner!"  I absolutely love this picture
This is how Aiden slept the entire vacation.  This was our best idea ever!  We took an air up mattress so he could have his own bed and Todd and I didn't have to give up our comfort of a king bed!  I highly recommend this sleeping arrangement!  
My sweet baby was such an awesome trooper on the way home!  He didn't have any accidents on the way home all the way from Austin.  We made sure to make plenty of stops and one of those stops included a long few hours for me to do some outlet shopping.  Todd had to let him ride every mechanical ride throughout the outlet to keep him happy!  He was absolutely wonderful on our vacation!  

Schlitterbahn Vacation Day

This was a great day for us on vacation.  Although it was a little sad for me to not feel like it was my birthday and still haven't really celebrated my birthday with much of anyone, it was a great day to see my little love so happy!  He absolutely loved this place.  Every time we would move on to another kiddie zone his face would light up like it was the first time he was getting to play in the water.  This place has 7 yes 7 kiddie areas.  Not to mention he could practically ride any ride because they had little tubes that had netting on the bottom so he couldn't fall out and a handle on the side so we could hold onto him as we were going down the rides as well!  He thought he was hot stuff at this park!  Near the end of the day we found the best kid zone of all.  It was a huge pirate ship with these great slides on them.  These slides weren't the little baby slides he had been doing all day.  These were big kid slides.  He couldn't wait to do them and I was a little hesitant to let him go but I managed to put my big girl panties on and let my baby go!  He didn't want us to go down with him, he wanted to do it all by himself!  I almost cried when he did it.  I don't think I could even count how many times we went down these slides.  He just kept saying again again again.  So we did!  I cant wait to go back again.  This place is absolutely amazing!!!!